Self-Love 101 w/Elaina Newbill
Updated: Mar 2, 2020
In the midst of one of my Manifestation
Tempests,* I was virtually whisked off to
Seattle, Washington. I bypassed the
Starbucks and Amazon headquarters,
ducked as I passed through the Puget
Sound. I almost hit my head on the top of
Cascade Mountain, but instead landed in a
space with Xo_Elaina. Elaina supports
individuals in achieving their goals and
creating a new way of being.
Self-Love 101: Ontology & A New Way of Being
“If I had a superpower it would be to have
the ability to teleport myself anywhere I
want through time and space,” if Elaina
only knew that, that was the mode it took
for me to connect with her via Instagram.
“I would go back and watch my birth to see
what environment I was born into,” says the
former teacher of high school English, reading support and study skills.
Elaina is the youngest of seven who loved growing up in Seattle. Her primary education was inclusive and diverse and set a foundation for her views on what it will take to dismantle racism. “You may have $1 billion, I may have $30; You may be from Appalachia. We’re still human and can still have feelings that can allow us to identify with each other.”
I Say A Prayer
Elaina feels fortunate that 4 out of 5 of her primary school teachers were women of color. Although, teaching was the furthest from her mind (until she volunteered at Meridian Public Charter School during her matriculation at Howard University), once she became a teacher she called upon those influences to be a better instructor.
“I thought about my best teachers, how could I use the lessons I received from them, how could I I engage in the classroom, and how could I use those teachers as models to discover my identity as a teacher.”
Elaina’s transition from teacher to Ontology coach was natural. “I was a coach, before I was a coach,“ says Elaina, who is a licensed Ontologist. Ontology is the philosophical study of the nature of being, becoming, existence, and reality. It is part of the major branch of philosophy known as metaphysics. However natural that transition was, sometimes the road to self-love can be paved with unpleasant road kill. “For me, it began with heartbreak,” says Elaina who’s transition as a coach had to begin with an examination of her own state of being.
I Go for A Walk
I Spiral Up”I wasn’t in the best place with myself,’ says Elaina who obtained a Bachelor’s degree, a Master’s degree and ushered many of her former students into Ivy League schools. “I wasn’t relating to myself, I was thinking that if I do these things, it will prove that I’m smart or worthy.” Elaina attributes her own coach to catapulting her ‘new being’ journey.
“Reinventing my relationship with myself, getting to know and love myself and being more of myself, is my greatest accomplishment.”
She now shares what she describes as real wealth with her one-on-one and group clients. “It’s like biting into a piece of chocolate or chocolate cake or having a sip of hot chocolate,” I pause to enjoy the imagery. I don’t even care where we are going, I’m enjoying the mode of transportation that Elaina is taking me to get there, “Having that lusciousness, that joy, that peace, that fun and that laughter is wealth for me.”
Elaina shares the wealth of self-love by co-creating with her clients to help them rewrite the stories that keep us small. “I believe coaching is a partnership, if not it crosses into consulting,” says Elaina who does not exalt herself as an all knowing coach with this work. “As if I have all the answers and I’m telling you what to do,” says Elaina. “In my own journey I had to learn to silence the voices in my head and realize they are disempowering, mean and hurtful.” Group sessions are more facilitated but still yield to the same objective. “I support individuals in removing the chains from their minds that limit. We together remove the beliefs about scarcity and transform them into something different.”
I Play with My Dog (Nelly)
I invite you to visit Elaina in Seattle (virtually like me) where she offers weekly coaching sessions, group sessions and DIY Coaching Programs. February 20 she will launch The North Star, a monthly online workshop supporting others in moving closer to developing the lives they want. In addition, she is working on a Teacher Support Coaching Group to assist educators in “finishing the year strong, reimagining their careers as teachers and bringing joy and ease to the classroom.
Elaina shared one of her whys with me, which is her favorite scripture, "All things work for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose." Your purpose can be big, bold and expansive. However, purpose can also be defined in little bold moments. Your purpose at this moment may contribute to your larger purpose. Maybe your purpose in this moment is to support someone else, “You can be walking down the street, lock eyes with a stranger and instantly notice a shift in them, they may smile back, or they may scoul or they may be taken aback,” but finding purpose in moments nourishes the universe.
I Play with My Niece
Finding your purpose is not always a pleasant experience. “Sometimes I’m in the midst of a storm and the sky is falling and I ask, what’s the point,” says Elaina who has a go-to list (enclosed) of things that she uses to make herself feel better when she’s feeling less than powerful. Elaina calls this having a “Itty Bitty Shitty Committee” which as committees go, I’m thinking has enough officers on any given day. “I report to myself what happened to get me to this place, exploring the energy and emotion attached to it and then I let it flow,” an exercise of both self love and acceptance. “I say to myself, this is how I’m feeling and that’s ok, let this flow through me.” This concept of flow reminds me of the Bruce Lee quote, “Be Like Water.” Which can and has been interpreted in so many ways but to me is about resistance. Water does not resist to transformation and/or changes in its environment.
I Cook and Eat with Family & Friends
Experiences, purpose, and discovery, all relative and useful in finding love around us and in ourselves.
“It doesn’t have to be some grandiose thing,” says Elaina. “Taking a deep breath, looking at the sky during sunrise or sunset, creating richness and beauty in experiences . . . being able to dance in the rain.” Of course there’s rain, She is after all, a Seattlite.